No Hero in Her Sky
by Lamaisonblack
Summary: What actually happened after the war. Fuck the epilogue.
1. And so it is

I stood, staring blankly off into the distance. Behind me, I could hear the celebrations. The war had ended. It was all over. The wind gently whipped my face as my brain struggled to process the events of that day. Part of me was convinced this was all some terrible dream, from which I would wake and she would still be alive, waiting to meet up with me at our planned time and place. I looked over to the destruction surrounding me, knowing this couldn't possibly be a dream. No nightmare could hurt this much, could it?

"'Mione, you alright?" I turned to the source of the voice and was met by Ron's kind eyes. I nodded, too drained to even fake a smile. He reached out his hand "come on, then...they'll want us inside..." I took his hand and followed him back to the school.

Inside was a full spectrum of human emotions. While the general air was one of celebration, the Great Hall was full of silent, stunned faces, as well as the occasional mourner who sat sobbing. Eyes sweeping the room, my gaze fell upon a mass of black curls, where she was left carelessly on the floor. The blood turned to ice in my veins and my stomach clenched. If it had had anything in it, it would have come back up. Luckily for me, we didn't have much time to stop and eat these past few days. I didn't notice I had lost balance until Ron sat me down. "Take it easy, Hermione...want some water or something?" I nodded, the room spinning. I could still see Bellatrix, at the other end of the room. "I need to be alone with her" I thought, knowing that would be near impossible. Ron returned with my glass of water, sitting next to me. I sipped at it without even thanking him. I sat, thinking back to everything that had brought me to this moment.

I remembered the first time I saw Bella...in my fifth year. It wasn't exactly what you would call romantic...but then again, nothing about us was.

The battle at the ministry was absolutely fucking terrifying for little fifth-year me. Suddenly, everything we knew in theory needed to be perfected, and while the DA provided some sort of practice, we were in no way ready for what awaited us. Not really. When my eyes first fell on her at the ministry, the strangest feeling came over me. She stood, eyes ablaze, dark curls a mess, eyeing us like we were prey. When we made eye contact, my knees started shaking and my head went fuzzy. "Come on, Hermione...keep it together...she's not _that_ scary..." I thought to myself. Despite my best efforts, my stomach was in knots.

When the combat actually began in the hall of prophecies, it was total chaos. I had never been in battle and as such was finding it near impossible to maintain a level head. At one point amidst the chaos, I found myself separated from the group. On my own. "Fucking great" I thought to myself. The coast, however, seemed to be clear for the moment, as the battle carried on not far from where I stood. At this point, I thought it would be wise to take cover in one of the aisles. Backing in stealthily, I was momentarily proud of my skill. Then, I heard someone exhale behind me. I turned around, startled. What I saw was almost enough to make me jump out of my skin. Bellatrix Lestrange was standing there, silently watching. I took a deep breath, convinced hers would be the last face I would ever see. It was then I noticed she was smirking. Not out of malice, but rather as if she thought my attempts at stealth were amusing.

For whatever reason, I decided to look into her eyes. At this, her smirk faded away and was replaced with a look of...discomfort? Had I made Bellatrix Lestrange feel awkward? "Must be because she's not used to her victims being brave enough to look into her eyes" I thought proudly, tilting my head with intrigue. As I heard my friends and the battle approaching, I snapped back into reality, realizing that I had been standing there like a useless fool. Never breaking eye contact, I backed out of the aisle slowly, joining my friends as if nothing happened.

"'Mione" started Ron, once again interrupting my thoughts "we should go check on mum..." I mindlessly followed him and felt the nausea return as I looked at Molly Weasley for the first time since she took my Bella from me. I gripped my wand inside my pocket, ready to attack. Ready to avenge my Bellatrix's life. Luckily, my logic set in and I knew that more death would solve nothing. Instead, I let the fury in my soul fuel my fiery hatred for a world that let this happen. The Weasleys were all standing around Molly, offering silent support, while all also feeling the weight of their own grief. It was in this moment that I realized we were all in pain, that my grief was not some lone enigma but rather something felt to some degree by everyone in the wizarding world. It was also in this moment that I realized I did not care.

I held my breath as Molly came over to embrace me. As much as my logic dictates that it was not just Molly's fault and that no matter what, Bella would not have left the war unscathed, I hated this woman. Her wand acted as a knife, slicing away the only thing I had tethering me to the ground. She said words I cannot recall but am sure were kind in nature and smiled kindly. Looking into her eyes, it took everything I had to force a half smile. She turned back to her family and I was left alone.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I found myself wandering toward Bellatrix. I looked down at her body, laying helplessly on the ground. She was sprawled out, left there the way she was when she fell; eyes open, her last grin still slightly present on her face. It took everything in me to stop myself from collapsing right there, sobbing and begging whatever gods existed to bring her back to me. I'd have held her in my arms one last time and let myself feel the weight of this moment. But I couldn't. In fact, I knew even standing next to her body for this long would raise suspicion. "Seems kind of barbaric to leave her laying like this, don't you think?" said Luna, who I didn't notice was now next to me. "Yeah, Luna...it does" without saying another word, she had knelt down and started fumbling with Bella's clothes. I smiled at the gentleness with which she was fixing her up and I knelt down next to her. I closed Bella's eyes, feeling her icy cold skin beneath my hands. In a moment of weakness, I let my hand fall and gently caress her face as tears started pouring out of me. She was beautiful, even in death. Luna put her hand on my shoulder. "I know, Hermione...I know how you're feeling..." I sniffed and wiped my face "Oh, you do?" I asked, knowing she had no idea of the relationship I had with Bella. Nobody did. "Well...yeah...there's just so much death...it's too much...and bodies just lying on the floor...no funeral, no families to say kind words...just...left here...it's tragic. Not to mention being surrounded by people who seem to be just fine celebrating all this death, as if a life full of bad decisions and mislead morals is worth less than any other life..." at these words, I saw tears fill Luna's eyes for the first time. She wiped them away. "Sorry, it's just...we called them barbarians for celebrating Dumbledore's death...and yet, here we are...". I nodded, tears flowing heavily now and hugged Luna tightly "Thank you. Thank you for understanding." I whispered between sobs.

After a few moments, we broke apart "I should probably go now...should make sure Neville and everyone are okay". I nodded, wiping away the tears, knowing I would have to leave Bellatrix's body now. I took one last look at my beautiful Bella, knowing this was not the goodbye she deserved. I noticed, around her neck, the pendant she had worn every day since the day I first saw her. I realized I had never asked her of its significance and felt intense sadness at the fact that now, I would never know. The urge to take the necklace suddenly swelled up inside me, as I looked down, trying to figure out a way I could do so subtly.

"Are you getting up or are you going to stay here all day?" asked Luna kindly. Realizing I would never get the opportunity to take it, I gave up on the idea. It would be far too kind of the universe to let me have even this small token of remembrance. I took Luna's hand as she helped me up, and found an empty table to sit at, once again trying to gather my thoughts.

I thought back to how throughout the rest of fifth year, the summer that followed, and most of my sixth year, Bellatrix was on my mind. Staring intently at the table, tracing the designs of its scratches with my fingers, I thought back to those times, which now seemed so long ago, where I wondered for hours why Bellatrix Lestrange did not kill me the moment she had me alone. I of course did not share my thoughts with Ron or Harry, even then. They would never understand "who cares, 'mione? She didn't kill you, and that's all that's important" I would picture Ron stating. While I knew this to be true, her look of discomfort stayed with me. It was very different from what I expected my impression of Bellatrix to be, so much more...human.

"May I join you?" asked a voice, interrupting my rememberings. I looked up and felt my stomach drop as Narcissa Malfoy stood there, grand as always, trying a half-smile. I blinked, heart pounding. I had never had a full conversation with this woman, and she was terribly intimidating. I realized quickly, however, that there was an added layer of kindness and sadness in her eyes as she sat across from me, resting her hands gracefully on the table.

"I saw you paying your condolences to my sister" she said matter-of-factly, her expression unreadable.

"Uh...yeah, I was just..."

"Thank you" she interrupted "it was nice to see that someone in this room sees her as a person, rather than a monster. Even after what she did to you" She said, looking down at the scar on my arm. I smiled awkwardly and put my arms under the table.

"Yeah, well...I couldn't stand the thought of her just being left there..." I finally managed to say, trying desperately to play it off as though this conversation wasn't pouring vast amounts of salt on the wound of my grief. Suddenly, a fresh batch of anger flared up inside me. This world, these people, not only took my Bella away from me, but also made it so that I could not hug this woman, the sister of the one I cared most for, and share in her grief. Here she was, someone who understood the fury and frustration I felt at losing Bellatrix, and I couldn't even talk to her about it. Through my inner turmoil, I looked into her eyes, praying that I wasn't betraying the feelings that were tearing me apart.

"It was much appreciated." She said finally "I may not have agreed with many of the things she did in her life, but the fact still remains that Bellatrix is my sister and I still care very deeply for her." At this, I just nodded gently, as I saw Narcissa's eyes fill with tears.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Narcissa." I said, placing my hand on hers in a comforting manner.

"I'm sorry for yours, as well" she said looking into my eyes, regaining her usual intensity. Suddenly, I grew terrified that she was somehow reading my thoughts and awkwardly removed my hand from hers. Were all Death Eaters capable of Legilimens?

"What?" I asked, frantically trying to practise the Occlumency I'd mastered and yet entirely neglected to use this afternoon, internally cursing myself.

"The Weasley boy...I assume you were close?" She said, not betraying any sign that she had in fact known what I was thinking.

"Oh...yes. Thank you." I said, trying to regain composure. With her hands, she cupped mine and looked deeply into my eyes.

"Thank you for everything, Hermione." she got up graceful as ever, once again showing no signs of emotion on her pale face, yet peering into my eyes with her piercing gaze. In the years that followed this meeting, I would spend hours wondering whether or not she knew about Bellatrix and I. Her gaze seemed a little too knowing, her voice too kind. Was I crazy or was this woman aware of my pain, somehow? Eventually, of course, I deduced that with Bellatrix gone, it did not matter, not anymore.

As she got up, I noticed something dangling from her neck.

"Is that...Bellatrix's necklace?" I asked before I could stop myself, my heart pounding. Narcissa looked down at it.

"Yes, it was. I just took it off her body, since the ministry likely won't be releasing anything else of hers to us..." I nodded, trying desperately to conceal the flurry of emotions swirling inside me.

"I sincerely hope to see you again someday, Miss Granger. Good luck." she said before gliding away.

I looked down at my hands, unsure of how to react. I hated Narcissa for being able to openly mourn as I never could. I hated everyone around me for keeping me from running over to Bella and letting my pain show. I left the room in a hurry, knowing I wouldn't be able to maintain my composure for much longer. I walked the deserted corridors of the school, praying I wouldn't run into anyone. Not now. I found an empty classroom and shut the door behind me, casting a locking charm as well as a silencing one upon it.

As soon as I had cast the spells, I collapsed, feeling sobs shake me to my very core. I screamed and cried louder than I thought I could, feeling more pain than I ever thought was possible. I realized in this moment how very alone I really was. Floating in a world I couldn't stand, with nothing keeping me down, nobody making me feel like I wasn't crazy. I felt my grief turn. It was in this moment and this moment alone that I let my rage flow through me.

I went into a daze, destroying everything in that classroom, one by one. Spell after spell came flowing angrily from my wand until I was left standing in a room of dusty rubble, panting. I looked at the destruction around me and let out a cackle the likes of which Bellatrix would be proud of. I had never felt so entirely free. As always, though, this freedom was a fallacy. My throat hoarse with the pain of my shrieking, I came back down to the real world, feeling dizzy. Realizing the mess I'd made on my clothes, I cleaned off all the dust and walked out, leaving destruction behind me. I felt a twinge of guilt when I realized the house elves would probably be the ones to clean it, but kept walking.


	2. Expectations

5

I once had expectations for myself, back before I realized what this war and my participation in it meant for both me and everyone I loved.

Since Lord Voldemort's return in my fourth year at Hogwarts, I have been painfully aware of the impending war at hand. For the years that followed, we were programmed, despite being children, to seek an end to the Dark Lord for the sake of everything we held dear. As part of the Golden Trio, I was expected to sacrifice everything in order to ensure victory for the Order. The Good Guys.

What nobody told us was what to do afterwards.

With a clear lack of instructions, we were left without the slightest idea of what to do with ourselves. The world took advantage. By throwing us into unwanted narratives and writing our future's story for us, we became the poster children of the new world. With the wizarding world in pieces, they needed a symbol, a rallying force. They fed off the idea that if the Golden Trio could survive and thrive in the post-war era, so too could everyone else.

I had been staying at The Burrow, much to my dismay. With nobody else to turn to, I had no alternative options for the time being. Luckily, after a few days, I became quite numb to the fury and pain seeing the Weasleys invoked with the exception of Molly, who I avoided at all costs. As usual when staying at the Burrow, I was sharing a room with Ginny, which didn't bother me too much. Despite where my head was at the time, she was still one of my closest friends.

The first time the Prophet had a front page spread about Ron and I being romantically involved, I nearly lost it. He and I had no such relationship and hadn't even spoken of it since our kiss back at Hogwarts. Once again, I felt rage being added to my lengthy repertoire of emotional responses to the war. The next day, Harry, Ron and I were sitting at the breakfast table together for the first time in what seemed like ages. Harry looked terrible, like he hadn't really slept since the battle, two weeks ago. As I silently ate my breakfast, tasting none of it, I realized how little we had actually all seen each other. The Burrow was much quieter than it used to be, with everyone minding their own business, dealing with their own grief. Or at least I had assumed. To be honest, I had almost entirely shut myself up in the room I had been staying in, speaking only to Ginny, occasionally. I spent my days burying myself in books, as to escape the prison I found myself in. It seemed the family knew better than to try to interrupt me.

The great thing about the whole world going to shit is that when you stop talking to the people around you and spend your time staring blankly off into space, nobody says anything. Because they're all doing the same.

"You alright, Harry?" I asked, placing my hand on his shoulder and finally breaking the silence. He jumped, startled at the sound of my voice.

"Yeah" he said, faking a smile. I could always see through him.

"Hey...uh...did any of you guys see the Daily Prophet the other day?" Ron said, awkwardly bringing up what I was desperately hoping to avoid. I turned to him and nodded, clearly unimpressed.

"It's crazy how they knew already...didn't even have to tell them..."

I stared down at the table, trying hard to hide my disbelief. _How did he even believe that? _I finally looked up and saw Harry giving me a curious look.

"Have you guys even really spoken since the battle?" He asked. I shook my head, causing him to raise his eyebrows.

"I didn't know you guys had become an official...thing..."

"Me neither..." I said quietly, wondering how Ronald could think that kissing in the heat of the moment, minutes before we were all potentially walking to our doom could count as us being in a..._relationship_. I shuddered internally, trying my hardest not to betray my disgust at the thought and risk hurting my friend.

Before Ron had a chance to speak, Ginny came into the room.

"You guys...the minister's here to see you..."

"Think of it as Public Relations"

I laughed a harsh, cold laugh.

"Have we not already done enough for the Public?!" I demanded.

"Yeah, this seems a little...invasive..." said Harry

"And totally fucked up" I were sitting in the living room, across from Kingsley Shacklebolt in a scene that was eerily familiar to when we were read Dumbledore's will.

"I don't see what the problem is.." said Ron, speaking for the first time. I turned to him, furious.

"So we have to lead public lives, showing everyone how happy we are...I mean, it's not like it's all that different from what we'd otherwise be doing..." he finished gently, reaching out to awkwardly grab my hand. It was in this moment, the feeling of being trapped set in and my heart broke all over again, both for me and this silly boy. My eyes filled with frustrated tears as I looked back to Kingsley.

"This is ridiculous. We're all dealing with what happened during the war. All of us. People don't care who is dating who, or whose life is turning into some magical fairytale of wedded bliss."

"She's got a point, minister" said Harry.

"Regardless, Miss Granger, seeing the Golden Trio continue to live happy lives, making a few small public appearances, would be a source of comfort for those in the wizarding world.."

"And has anyone asked me if I give a DAMN about being someone's source of comfort?!" I yelled, standing up. The minister just looked at me, showing no signs of emotions. On either side of me, Ron and Harry sat uselessly, Harry staring out the window. I sighed and sat back down.

"And what if we don't want to?" I asked, a tone of desperation making itself ever so slightly known in my voice. All the light left the Minister's face as he looked grimly down at us.

"I am sorry, Miss Granger...but at least for now, you have no choice."

"What do you mean we have no choice?!" I tried to argue, as he put up his hand.

"As minister, I have sworn to do whatever I can to protect the Wizarding world. This is what we all need right now. As much as you might see it unfair, it is necessary in establishing a sense of order in the rubble. Try to fight it, Miss Granger, and we _will _use whatever force is necessary to maintain this."

Listening to him speak, I felt all the fight leave my body and defeat set in.

"For how long?" I asked quietly, my voice cracking.

"We will let you know when it is no longer needed of you...hopefully by then, you will have grown to enjoy the arrangement..."

I stood up to leave, my face blank. Before turning, I saw a look of heartbreak on Ron's face out of the corner of my eye. He doesn't understand. He never would.

I went and sat outside, trying desperately to get a grip on the world around me. As a patch of clouds covered the sun, my mind wandered back to my second encounter with Bellatrix.

Walking back from the library, I was cursing myself for unknowingly being there at such an hour. My silly little sixth year self was so pointlessly caught up in entirely useless research that I hadn't noticed how late it was. As such, I was walking quickly back, hoping Filch wouldn't find me. I turned a corner and everything had changed. Rubble was everywhere, the commotion of people fighting and yelling in the distance. "Are we under attack?" I thought as I drew my wand, scared to death of what I might find. As I was stealthily trying to continue down the hallway, I heard noises coming from within a classroom. Not noticing anyone around, I feared it was someone in trouble and made the foolish decision to go in and make sure they weren't hurt. The moment I entered the room, the door slammed shut and I was disarmed. Before I could scream, a man emerged from the shadows, wand pointed at me.

"Scream and you die, bitch!" he said as I realized just how fucked I was. I looked at my attacker. I had never seen him before. I found myself praying he wouldn't recognize me for fear of how much worse this could get.

"Get over by the desk!" He ordered.

"What are you doing here? Is the school being attacked? Are you a Death Eater?" my words were met with a backhand, splitting my lip. I cried out, clutching my mouth.

"Please...just let me go..." he put his wand up to my throat, silencing me immediately. My body shook with a fear I had never felt before, and he peered into my eyes with a look of disgust which then, terrifyingly, turned to one of recognition.

"You're that little Mudblood bitch Potter hangs 'round with!" My heart raced but I refused to speak or acknowledge his words in any way. He laughed.

"Here, I was just hoping to ambush some stupid little punks to impress the Dark Lord...but now..." he peered at me hungrily.

"I'm going to enjoy this..." he said, breathing into my ear. Tears continued to flow down my face as I realized I was unable to move my body and he started unbuttoning my blouse. I tried to look away as he went to loosen his belt and several things happened all at once. The door opened with a crash, my assailant fell to the ground with a sickening thud and I found myself able to move, meaning my attacker was very much dead. Gasping, I looked up, searching for my savior.

There, with all her terrifying grandeur, was Bellatrix Lestrange.

My body was shaking so hard that all I could manage to say was "W-w-why?" I swallowed hard and cleared my throat "Why did you save me? Why do you keep doing that?" She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head, showing her obvious disbelief at my question. Her eyes trailed down to where my attacker laid and the hint of a snarl crept up on her face. I tried to stand and stumbled, clutching the desk to avoid falling. She moved toward me as if wanting to help, reaching out a hand and looking worried. She stopped, a look of discomfort appearing on her face once again.

"Are you alright, then?" she asked quickly. I nodded.

"I think so, yes...thank you. So much. If there's anything I can do..." the look of discomfort was quickly replaced by a smirk and an eyeroll. Before I could say another word, she was looking out into the hall, alarmed. The commotion was moving closer. She looked at me, blew me a kiss and was gone down the hall.

I buttoned my shirt and stepped over my attacker's corpse, dead set on finding her, all the while cursing myself for not getting more of a conversation out of her. She was nowhere to be found, however. I spent far too long searching for her that evening, silently pleading that she be somewhere in the night I could reach. I would have kept searching, too, had that night not also been the night Dumbledore was killed.

"Hey" said a voice, shattering my reveries. I looked up to see Ginny standing a few feet from me.

"Hey" I answered.

"So, what's going on? What did Kingsley want?" I rolled my eyes.

"Ugh, don't even get me started." I said as she sat down next to me.

"Well, all right...if you don't want to talk to about it, I s'pose I could get it out of my brother..." she said, smirking. I smiled.

"It involves you too...I'll tell you. But you won't like it."

I told her of everything Kingsley said, about each of us having to take on a role and play its part for however long the ministry deemed fit. Throughout my explanation, her expression was unreadable. I had expected fury out of her but instead got a blank nod of understanding as I spoke.

"So I have to...with Harry?" I nodded.

"Yes. I'm not sure how long it needs to go on for, or how far you have to take it...but be prepared to start making public appearances announcing how happy you are together and how bloody perfect everything's been since the war..." I trailed off, angrily. She took my hand in hers.

"Look, Hermione. Everything will be okay. So we have to smile at a few cameras, say a few lines...maybe it'll make people happy. Isn't that worth it? I'm sure it won't go on forever..."

I knew at this point that Ginny was nowhere near as upset about this whole ordeal as I was. I gave up on trying to talk about it and just nodded. She smiled at me.  
"It'll be alright, I'm sure of it." she then got up and walked back to the house

It wasn't until Snape's betrayal that double agents were a concern to me. It wasn't until he made us all look like fools that I realized the possibility. I spent several foolish hours fantasizing that Bellatrix was reaching out to me, wanting to betray the dark and come to our side, that something in me inspired something in her to be good. I secretly obsessed over this for days after our meeting. Then, there was the fact that she killed Sirius. Something I could not bring myself to understand. Why spare me when she could so quickly dispose of her own flesh and blood? It didn't make sense. Was she toying with me? Was she just doing this because she knew it would drive me insane until I got an answer from her? Things would have just been so much easier, had I just ignored those thoughts and carried on with the life that was expected of me.

Such were my thoughts as I wandered back to the house. As I entered the kitchen, I could tell everyone was abuzz with news. The minister as well as all the occupants of the burrow were in the kitchen, speaking excitedly, drinks in hand despite it being no later than noon. Harry had already finished his and was refilling it. Ginny turned to me.

"You'll never guess...we've got an interview tomorrow" I raised my eyebrows and eyed everyone in the room, noticing that I had brought a sudden end to their jubilation. They each shifted uncomfortably under my gaze as it trailed across them and landed on the Minister.

"And when were you going to inform me of this?"

"Well, Miss Granger" he said, straightening himself out "had you not run away in the middle of our conversation, you would have been told" I scoffed.

"and just what is this _interview?_" I spat, not even bothering to look civilized.

"Just the first public appearance of the Golden Trio. Nothing overly complicated, and yet immensely important. It is then that you must make it known that you have survived and plan to _thrive_ since the fall of the Dark Lord."

"Fuck. That." I said harshly.

"Hermione, calm down" said Ginny, putting her hand on my arm. I shrugged it away.

"No, Ginny. If you're all okay with whoring yourselves off for the enjoyment of the ungrateful people whose lives we almost died saving, that is your business. I, however, refuse."

With that, I stormed out of the kitchen and up to my room, angry that I allowed myself to look nothing more than an angsty teenager. I laid back on my bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering what the fuck to make of all this mess.


	3. Smile

"So...how do you manage them?"

"Manage what?" she asked, rolling over and propping her head up with her hand to look at me.

"Unforgivable Curses...how do you do them?" I said, twirling a strand of her beautiful dark hair through my fingers.

"Well...it's fairly simple. You have to really mean them. They aren't done lightly. You have to be able to push aside all your inner objections and just feel the curse with every ounce of your being" she said, her voice taking on an almost dreamy tone.

"So...every time you've killed..."  
"I've only ever killed because I had to, Granger" she said, her voice turning cold.

"So, Sirius..."

"I'm not going to spend anymore of my time defending my choices or actions to you" she said, getting impatient "I do what I bloody well have to, to stay alive"

"I know, I was just -"

"And for your fucking information" she interrupted "I did not cast the killing curse on Sirius. It was an accident. An accident that didn't much upset me, mind you...but an accident nonetheless."

"Oh" I said, trying to figure out what exactly that meant.

"Look, pet." she began with a sigh "I kill only when I need to. I don't take joy out of the experience, but I don't let it destroy me, either." I laid there, as she draped her arm around me and I let her words soak in for a few moments.

"So..." I started again

"What now!?"

"I'm just wondering..." she sighed again. How I frustrated her with my questions.

"Of course you are...what is it?"

"If you had to, would you use one on me? Could you kill me or torture me?" she sat up, visibly frustrated.

"Hermione, are you really that foolish?!"

"What?!" I said, sitting up and looking at her.

"Do you realize what kind of times these are? This is war. Messy, dangerous, war. People die, people get tortured. So, yes. If there were a situation in which I absolutely needed to kill you, I would. I sincerely fucking hope you'd do the same to me" I looked down at my hands as embarrassment swelled up inside me.

"I'm sorry, I just -

"Just what? Thought that somehow this" she motioned between herself and I "would stop the inevitable?"

"Inevitable?!"

"Come on. Do you really think we'll both make it out of this war?"

"Stop it. Just stop talking" I said, resting my head in my hands. She sighed and took my hand in hers.

"I'm sorry, love. I just don't want you to have any unrealistic expectations about what this war could mean..." I nodded and wiped away the tear that had made its way down my cheek. She was right and I was foolish to think anything would change.

"And besides" she said "I've carefully avoided having to kill you this long, haven't I?" I rolled my eyes, smiling, but my retort was lost in the kiss she had decided to interrupt me with. Naturally, I lost my train of thought and focused instead on spending the rest of our time together as pleasantly as possible. In that moment, it did not matter that we were two people on opposite ends of a war, or that we were on the floor of an abandoned cabin on the edge of a small muggle village. All that mattered was that I felt more complete than I ever had in my life.

* * *

"Oh, Hermione! You were so great up there!" cried Ginny as she hugged me tightly, the sound of applause erupting around me. WHERE THE FUCK WAS I. I peered over her shoulder at the room around me. It was large and there was a crowd, as well as cameras, all pointed towards a stage. Upon it was none other than Rita Skeeter, smiling and telling the viewers to sit tight. Whatever this was, we were obviously on a commercial break or something of the sort. I broke from the hug.

"Ginny, what are you talking about?" I said, my heart pounding, my mind already putting together the pieces of what had happened.

"The interview, silly. You just pulled it off flawlessly! I'm on in five. I'm so nervous." she looked ready to vomit but managed a small smile anyway. I looked out into the crowd and locked eyes with Kingsley, who was standing by the back of the room. In this moment, I knew this man's power. I understood that he would stop at absolutely nothing to keep this illusion alive. My heart ached with the knowledge that my life was no longer my own. I stared at his unchanging eyes, pleading silently for some human part of him to come through, to be willing to put an end to my suffering and let me be. I knew, however, that this would not be the case. I knew of the feeling that had to be put behind an Unforgivable Curse.

"Smile, Miss Granger, the cameras are watching" came a voice. I sighed as the lights came on, applause erupted and Harry and Ginny were called to the stage. I knew I had no choice. With one final look at the Minister, I etched a smile upon my face and joined the crowd in their applause of my friends.

I watched as my friends mastered the crowd and the questions, playing off every cue, knowing every line. The parts they had to play came naturally to them. Next to me, Ron took a seat and my hand in his.

"Where did you go?" I whispered, leaning into his ear.

"Just to the bathroom, 'mione. Didja miss me?" he said raising an eyebrow and smirking. I leaned back, terrified of what it was Kingsley made me say in the interview. I turned my attention instead to Harry who, much to my horror, was getting down on one knee.

"Oh, fuck." I whispered, my hand ripping away from Ron's and instead covering my mouth in shock. The room erupted with cheers. Everyone stood up, too excited to possibly remain seated. I watched as if in slow motion as Ginny nodded, allowing Harry to place the oversized ring on her finger. They embraced, she wrapping her arms around his neck as he spun her around the stage.

"Well, there you have it, people. True love, conquering even the darkest of times" said Rita, standing up. We were whisked out of the stage and into some back room while the crowd cleared. Ginny came over to me, face flushed with excitement.

"Can you believe it, Hermione?! Engaged! Me!" she hugged me excitedly.

"Congratulations, Ginny. It's...really great. I'm happy for you." I managed to fake a smile before excusing myself to the bathroom.

I closed the door and locked it, the world spinning around me. Had I known a year prior that I would be standing in a locked bathroom, hiding from the frenzy of becoming some fucked up new celebrity figure, I'd have grabbed Bellatrix and ran. Off to the mountains or some remote location where nobody would have found us. I turned to the toilet and felt my stomach rejecting food I didn't remember eating. After the vomiting had subsided, I propped myself up and noticed the scar on my arm was gone. "What the fuck..." I said aloud as I started rubbing at the spot it used to be. "Makeup" I thought with a sigh. "Those bastards" I turned on the faucet and scrubbed at my arm until it was raw, scraping away all the makeup they tried to use to hide the mark she left on me. I stared at my arm, all red and throbbing, and thought back to the day she gave it to me. The day I knew what we had was more than either of us had anticipated.

I sat, awaiting our fate, cursing Ron and Harry for being so fucking stupid. Bellatrix had even warned me repeatedly that using You-Know-Who's name would result in this. I told them not to, they didn't listen, and now we were in danger. "What a fucking surprise" I thought. Then, she appeared. For a moment, our eyes locked, silently communicating the terror we both felt. What would this encounter mean for us? Could this be the moment we've been expecting? Will we both make it out of this? I watched in horror as she played her part exactly as she was expected to. As she lowered her finger to her arm, ready to summon Voldemort, I took a deep breath, readying myself for whatever might follow. Quickly, she turned to the sword instead. Though I did not understand its importance at the time, I could tell its existence in the room was genuinely causing her to go into a manic frenzy. I closed my eyes and she stunned and cursed her way to it.

"Where did you get this sword?!" she bellowed. When she didn't get the answer she wanted, she sent away Harry and Ron, leaving me surrounded by her and the other Death Eaters. "Why would you do this?!" I thought, knowing exactly what this could turn into. She looked at me, her wand in hand and I braced myself for the pain I knew was eminent.

"CRUCIO!" she yelled. The spell engulfed me but no pain came. Instantly, I knew what this meant for both of us and I thrashed, screaming at the top of my lungs, hoping desperately that nobody but Bella saw the delay in my reaction. We continued like that for a few spells, leaving me quite disoriented and laying on the floor. The next thing I knew, she was on top of me, pulling out her dagger. She leaned in and whispered in my ear as her hair formed a curtain around our faces.

"Looks like you're not as easy to push out of my mind as I thought"

"Told you" I said with a small smile.

"Sorry 'bout this next bit, pet." she whispered as she moved to my arm with the dagger, carving that word into it, as I shrieked in pain.

I wonder to this day what would have happened, had Dobby not come. Would Voldemort have been summoned? Would they have killed Harry, Ron and I? Would Bellatrix have been able to let that happen? That last question is what haunted me most of all. Thinking of the horrors that would have awaited her, had she been unable to kill one of the Dark Lord's biggest enemies.

As I stared down at my arm and the perfectly etched letters, I thought of the hypocrisy that surrounded me in this instant. A minister not above using unforgivable curses to keep a lie alive, a population eager for anything but war that they eat all the lies up like candy, and friends who are so diluted with grief that they are willing to play along, as if acting happy would be the same as being happy. Is this really what we fought for? I also realized, as I touched my scar with my other hand, that it was all I had left of her.

"MUDBLOOD"

The word shone in my inflamed skin. I smiled at it, somehow finding the strength to open the door, smile, and continue with the charade.


End file.
